A Stupid Kinda Pub Landlord

I spoke to A.I.

"A.I.", I said.

"I need some extravagantly wild lyrics

off the top of your head.

Go bonkers. Go blotto. Go twisted bananas.

Write words from your polka dot shredded pajamas."

And she did.

You get on with life as a pub landlord

You're a stupid kinda person.

You like walking the dog on Sunday.

You like playing chess in the week.

You like to contemplate Europe

But when you start to day dream,

Your mind turns straight to America.

(Now A.I. invents a chorus!) Boom boom shaka da boom boom boom!

You like to hang out with giraffe,

You like to kick back with artichoke,

But when left alone

Your mind turns straight to America.

Boom boom shaka da boom boom boom!

You're not too fond of getting sun burnt

You really hate dirty hippos.

But you just think back to America

And you're happy once again.

Boom boom shaka da boom boom boom!

So I have to ask: who wrote the underlying algorithm? Who writes what Alexa/Siri/GPS speak?

Alexa wants to know if I would like to wake up to the sound of birds.

In Ukraine the children wake up to the sound of bombs. In Uvalde children tremble when they go to school. On the U. S. border, fearful migrants hoping for a better life are now being treated like pork bellies or other commodities in a game of political one-upmanship, by the same folks who wrenched children from their parents' arms and disappeared them. "Stupid kinda pub landlord"? We've just gone way beyond that.

In a bonkers, twisted banana world, how long before birds can't sing, oceans dry up, children can't stop trembling?

I don't think I want to know.

Boom boom shaka da boom boom boom.


c. Corinne Whitaker 2022

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